Saturday, February 26, 2011

Domino Effect

Hey kids, don't try this at home!
First there was a populace uprising in Tunisia, and after they ousted their
bogeyman the Egyptians said "we'll take a crack at ours". Not much will
change in Egypt though, until the Army turns the reigns of power over to
the Egyptian people. Next stop was Bahrain, where the fight continues to
this day, and now the momentum of Arab emancipation has now swept into
Lybia, the first significant oil producing Arab nation to be involved in this
domino effect.
So with uprisings already being planned in other Arab states
the next questions become where, and when. Like when those clever Asian
students who get together and painstakingly arrange a gazzilion or so dominos
to tumble into a pretty pattern, there always seems to be a point when the
dominos actually escalate to a higher point only to tip over a Key domino at
the top of the platform, and set off an even bigger chain reaction of falling
That 'Key' domino, I believe, in an Arab context, is
Saudi Arabia. The battle for the reigns of power in that country will make the
recent uprisings in neighboring countries seem like an 'Irish Jig'.

 What will happen to Oil dependent Western economies and the bankers who
profit generously, when the whole thing grinds to a halt in the wake of such a crisis.
The Saudis are the second largest exporter of Oil in the world next to Russia.
We currently have no alternative fuel available that can compensate for any
potential disruption to the already dwindling flow of Oil from the Arabian
peninsula. The showdown is inevitable, and now it's just a question of time.
The people of the Arab world are tired of living under the thumb of petty dictators
who sell the resources and labour of their countries on the cheap in exchange
for Western endorsement. Most of these countries will hopefully establish
progressive and democratic societies, however, in the case of the Saudi's,
because the stakes are so high, the extremism will probably be there to match
Dirty CT    February 2011

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Soul Walker Revisited

A tiring journey for ones soul
      Well I was going to write about Egypt, but since nobody else seems to be doing that, I then thought about writing about the return of Jean-Bertrand Aristide to Haiti,  and how the powers that be could be trying to set up a cage match between the current government, J-B A, Baby Duck, and some genetically mutated strain of cholera.

   Now that I've come to my senses, I've decided to revisit a short story written by Brian Fawcett, in his book  'Public Eye' entitled 'Soul Walker'.

   The basic premise is based on a story Fawcett recounts in the first person. It's of a conversation he had with a man he encountered at LaGuardia Airport in New York, probably in the late 1980's (assuming it's a true story, which the preface in the book suggests it could be).

   I'll get to the main point without spoiling the story for those who haven't read it yet. The man he encounters proceeds reveal to him, in great detail, the nature of and the travel abilities of the human soul. He says that the human soul does not fly, and as a result, airports are very disruptive places for human souls.

   Intrigued, I've often thought about the validity of his contention. I'm thinking more and more about it as I write this piece from India, a country I arrived in nine days ago.

   As fascinating, unique, and sensory stimulating a place India is, I can honestly say it has taken me a good nine days to feel like myself (and not because of the food/water ingested bacteria that makes Goa, quite possibly, The 'Wet Fart' capital of the world).

   Well now that my 'soul' has arrived, I think back on other trips I have taken in recent years, and the premise actually begins to make a whole lot of sense.

   Last year I visited England for three weeks, and it took me a good week to feel comfortable, much as it did the first time I visited in 1988.

   Seven years ago I visited Australia and I remember it taking me a good two and a half to three weeks before I felt 'at home', so to speak.

   In the year 2000, I visited Thailand and experienced a good two week adjustment.

   So where am I going with this? some could argue that I was suffering from fatigue due to 'Jet Lag' or from 'Culture Shock', and I don't deny these things play a factor, but I had a pretty shitty sleep last night, both literally and metaphorically, and by all rights I should be one cranky dude today, but the opposite is the case, I actually feel like myself for the first time since I left home on January 27th.

   Now when you take in to account that India is some 9000 miles from home, and I've been travelling now for some 360 hours, including a six day stopover in England; that would mean that my soul 'Walks' at a rate of about 25miles an hour, this rate makes sense given the distances between England and Montreal, which is over three thousand miles,and if it takes me six days to adjust, then that's a 138 hour adjustment period.

   Anyway, I'll get out my calculator later, and in the meantime 'You do the math', but for now I think it's safe to assume that my soul is moving at a clip anywhere between 20 to 25 miles per hour, not bad eh? That means that when I left Heathrow for India  the night of Feb2, my 'soul' was probably just arriving only for me to kiss it on the lips, pat it on the head, and wave it "Bon Voyagee!" as Bugs Bunny used to say.    

                                                                                              Dirty CT February 2011

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Osiris And Friends

O Osiris where are you?
Osiris: Some bad things I can recycle, reanimate. But the bad things I can't do much anything with, I simply trash.
Nostradamus: Interesting. So, what to do about this Mubarak character up there?
Osiris: Not sure yet. He seems to be one of those 'bad' things I can't recycle, so to speak. He's rather too aged and senile... can't do much.
The Furry batman (FB): Yo, that sorta reminds me of dat sayin': da Nile ain't a river in Phoenix!
Osiris: Aargh you ignorant bat-brain! That's Egypt, not Phoenix!
Nostradamus: Perhaps you can't do much because Mr M is the dreaded 'Mabus' character I prophesied. Bringer of darkness in this here part of the world?
Mabus! Not him again. I thought Bush and Obama were supposed to be 'Mabus'! – said Osiris in a rather impatient tone.
A confused Nostradamus was just about to defend himself when he was cut off by...
FB: Yo, thought Mabus my main man was Osama?
Osiris: Confusing. Just like the current situation above ground.
I believe the mortals above will find a way to deal with Mr M. I gather – said Osiris in a rather non-plussed voice.
FB: Hey Osi, can't you do anything with all those magical powers you got Bro?
Osiris: 'Fraid I can't this time. My old supernatural abilities seemingly are being blocked or interfered with by all kinds of shit produced by those meddling human mortals.
Nostradamus: Such as?
Such as microwave and radioactive radiation, mostly. Great disburbances created by large bodies of crude oil leaving the underworld for above, the North Atlantic pump slowing down and shit like Haarp, have also hindered my powers. Unfortunate, but alas true my friends...
FB: Ya, I knowz what you mean Bro. I no longer seem to be a threat to mortals as well. Yo, things known as 'drones' appear to instill fear in the hearts of humans. Not to mention a host of tv entertainment shows called CSI this and CSI that and the other... mortals prefer getting the sh... scared out of them by the likes of a Dexter deity dude for f... sakes!
Nostradamus: Dexter? He might be the next 'Mabus'!?
Osiris and FB in a chorus: Shut the f... up Nostradamus!
The things though that really irk me the most, are those strange passtimes mortals seem to be spending untold amounts of time with... What do they call it: 'spacebook' and 'Quitter'?
FB: Bro, what a' riot dude! Did Isis forget to attach your brain to the rest of you when she pieced yuz back together? Bad enough she couldn't find your dick!
Nostradamus: That's a good one man! As Nostradamus and FB laughed their guts out in unison much to Osiris' contempt for them.
Nostradamus: Hey Osiris, you forgot, they're called facebook and twitter, respectively.
FB: Ya bros. Humans spend more time with that shit than anything else these days!
Osiris: What the f... No wonder my powers are diminishing. There is a known correlation linking my underworld-ly powers and abilities with the number of conscious human souls up there in the overworld. I suspect these spacebook and quitter activities are reducing human mortals' capacity to generate any significant level of awareness! Upsetting to say the least. I sort of wish Set was part of that spacebook racket, he may well not have cut me into pieces and scattered me hither and tither, preoccupied he might have been with all that button-pushing sh...!
Nostradamus: Aargh, it's facebook and twitter Osi...
Shut the f... up Nostradamus! - said Osiris in an even more impatient and angry delivery.
FB: Hey superNat Dudes, CNN is showing more of these dead birds found on the side of roads and stuff?
Nostradamus: You don't suppose this is an omen coming from Horus, don't you?
Osiris: No sh... It's not Horus' style. FB, you're winged and evil, what's your take on the dead birds?
FB: Yo Bro, I'm a furry' bat. Not a bird dude. Besides, fish were also found dead by the ton in 'ol hillbilly country! Ain't the flying variety either.
Nostradamus: Fish, an old Christian symbol... You don't think that...
Osiris: Don't wanna hear it...
Nostradamus: Wait a minute! A French anagram for Mabus..
FB: I'm blocking my big furry ears!
Nostradamus: ...could be Morue!
Osiris: What in the name of Ankh is 'Morue'!?
Nostradamus: Morue is the French word for cod! Cod is a fish dudes!
FB: Holy f... Nostradamus you've lost me dude! Howz you got from Mabus to Morue to f... cod!
Nostradamus: Listen, a prophet has to keep his audience interested. Besides, I can't tell you everything now... you'll have to buy my next book in order to find out!
Osiris: What a f... shyster you are Nostradamus. Profit is just another word for Prophet where I come from!
Nostradamus: Wait a minute, don't be so harsh! I can tell you this much since both of you are members of my Prophet club: it's not really the word 'cod', but co2, the greenhouse gas. The letter 'd' stands for the number 2 in French: deux!
FB: Unhhh, what da f... Hey dudes, I'm gone, I can only take so much of this kind of sh... in one day. Gotta find this Dexter dude, show him my furry fists!
Osiris: Well, I gotta keep my eyes on Mr M up there. I may need to call on my fellow deities for help. By the gods of ancient Egypt, we will need all the help we can muster!
Nostradamus: Sorry Osi, my blackberry needs recharging, can't stay. Gotta go as well.
Osiris: I have to wonder, what the f... is happening these days with this underworld anyway?

Pierre Duranleau aka Cafargo
(no longer contributing to this site)