Sunday, February 17, 2013

Fear, Desire and the 'Friend Zone'

Not Mr.Spock

Fortunately, the years I've spent living here, in our vibrant community of Nova Avalon, has given me a fresh perspective in which to view not only my past, but our collective one, in a way no meteor blast over Chelyabinsk, nor the close flyby of a 150 foot-wide asteroid ever could. 

Self-Knowledge has become for us, to use a loaded term, a bit of a religion in these here parts. To understand anything about our history as a species, we eventually realized that we first needed to understand two things:  Fear and Desire. Once those two components were fully understood, only then could we transition our inquiry into one of understanding. Once achieved, we then learned how to use our Power, which ultimately, is the understanding and mastery of those two primal forces.

I used to think, as many people did in your day, that Fear was the opposite of Love, But really, Fear is the opposite of Desire. Love's opposite is in fact Hate;  I think that's pretty straightforward! 

The word Love is a verb, it's purpose is to fulfill the needs and desires of others, and is the state achieved by the fulfilment of our own needs and desires. Love could also be substituted in action for the word Giving, or as recipient, with the word Gratitude. Conversely, Hate could be substituted for the word Anger, usually stemming from disappointment, due to unfulfilled desires.

Alas, there's an intimate link between Fear and Desire, and to understand one, one always needs to understand the other.

Now all this brings me to the most important of questions: What is it that 'turns us on' about the opposite sex? For many of us, we will often chose a more exciting potential partner, over a loving, yet more benign one... Pour-quoi?

Let's face it, it's not all about 'looks' for men, nor is it all about 'resources' for women (in what each finds attractive in the opposite sex). How one carries themselves, their moral fabric, and compassionate nature play a huge factor, yes... but still, it's often not the predetermining seX-factor for most of us.

So what is it that tickles our fancy? I maintain: it's an escape from the mundane, and a chance to go on a 'wild ride'. Despite my general pontificating in previous writings about virtuous behaviour, and the importance of morality in society, I've come to humbly admit that morality and virtuous behaviour do not a swollen appendage make.

Any staunch Feminist (a breed now only existing in certain biospheres of the Martian Colonies) could tell herself that a 'nice man', one who is considerate, respectful, attentive, and even submissive, has the character traits sought after in a partner. Often though, when men behave in this politely pasteurized manner, the woman in question is just simply not attracted to him… Warum?

A man, having been placed in a woman's 'Friend Zone', can be viewed as being either 'needy' or even sometimes 'creepy', simply due to his natural desire to exchange sexual-intimacy with the Friend/Woman in question, however she may not, and usually doesn't (due to his pathologically benign nature), have any desire for him… and those are the breaks!

Since this paradox may be in obvious contradiction to what this Friend/Woman says, or more importantly 'believes' she desires, a standard human response is to vilify or develop a contemptuous attitude toward the subject in question (in this case, the man who desires to be intimate with her, despite her lack of attraction to him).

The one thing we humans, regardless of sex or political ideology, hate above all, is carrying the weighty stone of guilt.  If someone's very presence reflects back to us our own inconsistencies or hypocrisies, the standard unconscious human response is to create for ourselves a narrative to vilify the subject who is reflecting back the said imperfections. We con ourselves with lies, and proceed onward in our rudderless course into Self-Ignorance. Taking responsibility, or 'owning your own shit', is definitely the course less sailed here… or at least that was until our inevitable rendezvous with destiny.

I realized many years ago what excites me about women has very little to do with Love, and everything to do with Desire. Does this mean I require a partner who induces in me fits of lust? Well, If we're talking 'short-term', then the answer is definitely 'Yes'!  But if 'long-term' is the desired goal, then the answer is a resounding 'No' (Sadly though, when you're younger, you're less inclined to see this truth and tend to manifest unwanted 'responsibilities' long before you know who the hell you are, and what the f**k it is you want from life).

I certainly won't blame the entire female gender for any negative experiences I've had with women over the years. I realize that the qualities I'm attracted to in a woman, say as much about ME as it does HER. Any resulting 'heartbreak', or 'blue balls' acquired due to romantic misadventure, can probably a be chalked-up to having chosen Desire (the exciting, toxic and narcissistic qualities), over a partner possessing more virtuous ones.

How about you?

Future CT         Village 5,  Nova Avalon.        Year 17 P.T.E.

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